Curwin and Mendler's Discipline with Dignity stood out to me the most this week because I am currently struggling with a student who displays so many of the behaviors they describe. This student, a 2nd grade boy, is highly intelligent but emotionally immature, often using humor, disruption, and verbal manipulation to avoid work or regain control. Reading this really helped me realize that his behavior isn't random, it's purposeful. Curwin and Mendler explain that misbehavior is often rooted in unmet needs like attention, control, or emotional regulation (pg. 45-46). That really resonated with me, especially as I reflected on how much time I've spent trying to reason with him or talk through choices, only the end up in a verbal power struggle. The authors point out that we can't change students through persuasion alone, instead we have to identify the core of the behavior and change the environment to support better choices (pg. 43-45).

Moving forward, I'm planning to shift away from discussion heavy discipline and toward more structure. Instead of debating or trying to catch him out in dishonesty, I want to implement clear expectations, simple daily check-ins, predictable consequences, reflection sheets, and a reset space for him somewhere in the classroom. Curwin and Mendler emphasize that discipline should be built on structure rather than punishment, and that responsibility is taught through consistent systems, not lectures or power struggles (pg. 5-9). As a Catholic school teacher, this really challenged me to think about how I balance virtue formation with behavior training. Teaching kindness, honesty, and respect matters deeply to me, but this reading helped me see that students also need concrete behavioral structures in place before they're even able to internalize those virtues. 

The authors also explain that real change takes repetition, clear boundaries, controlled choices, and a willingness to sit with discomfort during growth (pg. 48-54). This student of mine comes from a very permissive environment and lacks internal regulation, which makes classroom structure even more important. What I'm taking away from Discipline with Dignity is that discipline isn't about fixing a child emotionally (which I so badly wish I could do), it's about creating systems that teach responsibility while preserving dignity. My hope is that by strengthening structure in my classroom, and specifically within a new behavior plan for this student, I can better support him not only academically but also in developing the self control and responsibility that are essential to both learning and virtue. 

Curwin, R. L., Mendler, A. N., & Mendler, B. D. (2018). Discipline with dignity: How to build responsibility, relationships, and respect in your classroom (4th ed.). Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

 Part 1 

In the Prologue and Part One of The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explains that trauma is not simply an event that happens in the past, but an experience that reshapes the brain and body, leaving a person in a chronic state of alert long after the actual danger has passed (van der Kolk, 2014). His work with trauma survivors, specifically veterans and abused children, van der Kolk shows that traumatized people often struggle with emotional regulation, trust, and a sense of safety in their own bodies (van der Kolk, chs. 1–3). As an elementary teacher, I have seen this firsthand in some of my students from abusive or neglectful homes. Behaviors that on the surface show as defiance, withdrawal, or inattention often are just what van der Kolk describes as survival responses (van der Kolk, 2014). These children have nervous systems are jumpy and disregulated. I always say that children who are safe and loved at home come to school to learn, children are are not safe and loved at home come to school to be loved. A child with a full-throttle fight/flight nervous system has a very hard time focusing on reading and math. Van der Kolk emphasizes the need for safety and stable relationships (van der Kolk, 2014). As a teacher this means that I should aim for consistency, structure, and being a compassionate presence in the classroom.

These chapters also resonate with my own experience as a child and adult survivor of abuse. Years ago, I thought I was past my past but the trauma began to manifest in my physical body by means of panic attacks, night terrors, startle response, and even hives. Van der Kolk explains that such trauma is “re-enacted in the body,” which helps explain these symptoms (van der Kolk, 2014, ch. 3). These physical manifestations can occur even after the actual traumatic event(s) has ended (ch. 3). My own healing from PTSD reflects his central claim that recovery requires more than just cognitive understanding, it requires restoring a sense of safety within the body and in relationships. I am so grateful that I was able to find a gentle and supportive therapist who walked me through the process of healing and feeling safe again! 

Healing often begins when a hurting person encounters a calm, trustworthy person. My own experiences and healing stirred within me a deep compassion and understanding for others, especially children who have been through traumatic events. van der Kolk’s work aligns with my own Catholic understanding of caring for the vulnerable, offering authentic friendship, being patient, giving grace, and always showing dignity, whether in the classroom, at home, or out in the world. In these ways, I hope to be an instrument of healing to others.

van der Kolk, B.A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.